Teaching Children Empathy, By Jessica Lahey, the New York Times

When Harvard University’s Making Caring Common Project released their report, “The Children We Mean to Raise: The Real Messages Adults Are Sending About Values,” many parents and educators — myself included — were surprised to learn that despite all our talk about instilling character and empathy, kids may value academic achievement and individual happiness over caring for others. In the report, the authors explained that the children’s values reflected what they believe adults value.

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Credit Jessica Lahey

In the wake of these dispiriting study results, the Making Caring Common Project and the Ashoka Empathy Initiative created a set of recommendations for teaching empathy to children.

Empathy goes beyond being able to see another person’s point of view, Rick Weissbourd, the co-director of the Making Caring Common Project, explained in an email. He points out that sales people, politicians, actors and marketers are able to do this kind of “perspective-taking” in pursuit of their professional goals. Con men and torturers use this ability to manipulate their victims for personal gain. In order to be truly empathetic, children need to learn more than simple perspective-taking; they need to know how to value, respect and understand another person’s views, even when they don’t agree with them. Empathy, Mr. Weissbourd argues, is a function of both compassion and of seeing from another person’s perspective, and is the key to preventing bullying and other forms of cruelty.

The Art of Table Setting

Today, I had the opportunity to witness a few of our primary community members prepare the tables for lunch. Although they carried out this work flawlessly, it did seem quite challenging. They are required to take one item at a time, carrying it from the cabinet to the table, which can take several minutes. It truly did resemble a form of art, placing each item carefully on the table in the correct order.

What impressed me most was the dialogue that was shared between our two, pre-selected lunch helpers.

“Can you help me tie my apron, please?”

“Here, you lay out the napkins while I do the spoons.”

“We need to get the water from the refrigerator, but I need your help.”

“Would you hand me the napkin?”

I enjoyed hearing these two young people interact and collaborate with one another. It was truly delightful! They found pure joy in the work they were doing, and carried themselves in such a way that they knew this was important and purposeful work.

Not once did I see the guides intervene because it was simply not necessary. She didn’t step in to correct their errors, or straighten a napkin that was slightly offset. The task was carried out in full by the two friends, who relied on one another for help.Setting the table can be defined by many adults as a “chore”, but for a child, it is a purposeful, meaningful, and fulfilling work that stimulates all of their senses. Through this work, they enhance their concentration as they focus on each minor detail, self-control as they learn to carry one item at a time, critical thinking through exploring and manipulating different styles of place setting, collaboration, delegation, and leadership skills, care of environment and care of others, and they develop a healthy self-image because the work is real and necessary. And because of this, we cannot call it a “chore” since it is joyful, purposeful work. Just like an artist carefully and meticulously paints or sculpts his masterpiece, so do our children carefully and meticulously complete their work.

They understand that this is important work, and gain self-confidence as they see the outcome of their efforts; a room full of happy children eating and socializing in a well prepared environment.

Article: “The Montessori Approach to Discipline”, Montessori Foundation

I had a very insightful tour today with a new, prospective family. One of their main concerns was “freedom” in the classrooms, and if the children are given too much independence. Of course, that led us to an in-depth discussion of the philosophy, and how our children are given the appropriate amount of freedom, within limits. It’s never a “free-for-all”, where children can run around the room, and do as they please in whatever manner they choose. Whenever a child “abuses” their freedom, or chooses not to act as a calm, productive member of the community, they then lose their freedom to walk around on their own, and must walk with the Guide. If they’re disrupting their friends’ work, or throwing objects, causing the environment to be unsafe, they once again lose their freedom to independently work on their own. Discipline for the child comes from within. They have a subconscious desire to work in a peaceful, calm, orderly environment, free from chaos and over-stimulation. Our Guides are trained to allow the child to find that inner discipline, and learn how to control their body, emotions, and actions. We don’t believe in “time out”, and certainly not physical punishment. Genuine discipline comes from within the child, and functions as a way to help promote their inner growth.

I came across this article, “the Montessori Approach to Discipline” from the Montessori Foundation, which supported my statements in every aspect. For my fellow administrators and teachers experiencing the same questions with your new families, or if you have families struggling with the concept of “discipline” in the Montessori classroom, I would encourage you pass along this article to them. Definitely a great read!

“Montessori herself held that discipline is “not …a fact but a way.” True discipline comes more from within than without and is the result of steadily developing inner growth. Just as the very young child must first learn to stand before she can walk, she must develop an inward order through work before she is able to choose and carry out her own acts. Surprisingly enough, Montessori found that it was through the very liberty inherent in her classrooms that the children were given the means to reveal their inner or self-discipline. Independence did not diminish respect for authority but rather deepened it. One of the things that aroused her greatest interest was that order and discipline seemed to be so closely united that they resulted in freedom.”

http://www.montessori.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=27&Itemid=42